1. Attend smartly and well groomed but wear a single item which might be considered ‘mildly’ outrageous – there is no better reason than Xmas to do it – as this shows you don't take yourself too seriously and gives a safe but detached focus for any in law wrath.
A set of reindeer ears or festive bow tie, for example, do the trick nicely.
For more info on the importance of Grooming, see our earlier post entitled "Groom, Groom, Groom to Stressbust™!"
2. Don’t whisper to your partner. It appears rude.
Assume also that all in laws transform into expert lip readers on these occasions.
And equally do not be offended or in any way react if they whisper about you or anything else.
It could be good, it could be bad, but there is simply no way of ever knowing, so smiling sweetly is the best strategy.
For similar reasons, under no circumstances succumb to the post Xmas Dinner urge to yawn copiously or lay yourself out prostate on the sofa.
This is again their prerogative, not yours.
Even if invited to do so, refrain as it may be a cunning test of your decorum!
3. Never try to control or monopolise the event to appear confident or vaguely charismatic.
This will undoubtedly backfire, appear try hard and be construed as oppressive.
The in laws are the hosts, not you, so follow their lead and behave like a leg of furniture until invited to do otherwise.
4. Offer no controversial views or opinions whatsoever.
Your job is to fit in, not give the impression you are a revolutionary maverick looking to change the world.
The in laws are frankly & rightly far more interested in whether you can support and love their precious offspring equally on this special occasion and beyond.
5. Compliment your partner from time to time openly to show you validate them but don’t overdo it or the compliments will appear orchestrated as opposed to a mere extension of the norm!
Equally make sure your partner his or herself wouldn’t be staggered to receive a compliment, otherwise their reaction will be a dead giveaway.
6. Eat sensibly and politely.
3 trips to the buffet is more than sufficient and you gain no brownie points for proving you are able to eat the weight equivalent of a middle aged walrus in one afternoon.
7. Be mindful of any Shoe Policy.
Offer to take them off if in any doubt (or indeed if they are caked in mud!).
If you ruin the carpet, you’ve simply no option but to offer to replace it in its entirety and £2,000 is an expensive afternoon out for most people, even at Christmas!
8. If the opportunity arises, offer to make tea or coffee.
This shows you are not out for a free ride and are more than happy to roll your sleeves up in the family cause without being controlling or trying to redirect the occasion towards you.
It also leaves the in laws alone with your partner for a while to hopefully sing your praises if you have followed the other tips contained in this blog correctly.
9. (Unless you are Peter Kay), resist trying to be the joker as this label will stick.
In other words, "Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all and look a fool than to say something and put the matter beyond all doubt".
Additionally (& this goes without saying) don't either arrive or depart trollied - you will never be permitted to live it down!
10. “Come bearing Gifts” – after all, it is Xmas!
Something classy but not too big or over the top.
The gift will be left after your departure so its a critical reminder of what you stand for.
So choose carefully – think “responsible, creative, thoughtful and generous” rather than “quirky, eccentric, out there or space cadet”.
Good luck Gentlemen - sure you will be fine 😁🙌👍MikeyM™ xx