We all know someone, maybe a friend, acquaintance or even family member, who never stops berating how challenging their day to day lives are, seemingly oblivious to the reality that everyone has their own challenges to contend with; it is unclear whether this trait is genetic, born of experience, belies a fundamental lack of empathy for others or comprises a bit of all three.
Their incessant promotion of their own alleged ills and needs, however, appears to get them right to the front of the queue when it comes to getting the parents to babysit, monopolising important events, obtaining doctors appointments and capitalising on special offers, to target but a few simple examples; they are always seeking this favour or that; ever critical of the life that has been dealt to them but appearing to do nothing about it; often overwhelmingly communicative when they want something but then off the radar for long periods when not; invariably the source of the latest unnecessary, self generated drama which places them firmly in the role of lead character.
Many would see their behaviour as selfish and some would even go so far as as to describe them as shameful; but does that really matter to them if in the end they get what they want?
Unfortunately, it is an inescapable fact that some people in society are not as collegiate as others. Their sole priority is self and they measure their personal ability and success to a large extent by what they are able to obtain and receive from others without mutuality, making compromise very difficult.
The only 2 StressBusting™ options you therefore have available if people of this nature are continually upsetting or frustrating you, making you feel inadequate, fettering your own personal ambitions or rendering your life unbearable are to:-
● leave them to get on with it, with the comfort that the perception many others have of them, albeit they may not be able to express it vocally for various reasons, probably allies with your own - see our post entitled "Break Time Quickie - Adopt the French approach of "Laissez Faire" to StressBust™" for further reasoning behind this; or
● simply remove them from your life if a degree of respect and mutuality is unlikely to ever materialise, on the argued basis contained in our post entited "The Relationship between Toxicity & Stressbusting™".
The first option above is of course only available provided "letting them get on with it" will not result in repeated and, on balance, unjustifiable and unnecessary drain on your own time, energy and resource. If this is likely to be the case, then by default you move toward option 2 on the premise that "life is simply too short".
But these decisions can prove very difficult, particularly in the case of family members or close friends whose behaviour cannot be explained by any medical condition(s); but it all comes down to what cost you are willing to pay personally for involvement and interaction - see our post entitled "Break Time Quickie - The Importance of a Stressbusting™ “WTP” Analysis" for a further analysis of this essential StressBusting™ consideration.
And, though scant consolation in the present, people who focus so predominately on themselves for long periods invariably look back with regret at having made less of a personal contribution to those around them they purported to love and society as a whole as they may have done, through over excessive self focus to secure what they think they wanted, needed or was important to them at the time; an exercise they often misjudged in their persistent zealousness to achieve self serving but short lived end results.
Indeed, the squeakiest wheel may sometimes get the oil, but it usually ends up falling off first.
For further information relevant to this post, please click on our post links below:
"Stressbusting™ Lessons from Finland - “The Happiest Nation on Earth”"
"Break Time Quickie - Stressbusting™ Allies to Keep Close"
"Break Time Quickie - Keep Stressbusting™ Assets Visible"
BigLuv
MikeyM™&LouLoU™ 😊😍😎🧡💛💕 xxxx