Visting loved ones in a care home scenario can be an anxious experience.
And we cover the process of "Coping through a Managed Bereavement Process" in our post so entitled.
But there are mechanisms by which the process can be made easier and more productive for everyone as follows:-
● Firstly, it is important to manage emotions in advance, because whatever frustration, anguish or guilt you may feel at your loved one's situation, you want to make the visit as enjoyable as possible and your loved one is probably very much looking forward to it. Our posts entitled "Stressbusting™ Techniques to Manage & Calm Overwhelm" and "Identifying & Stressbusting™ Panic Attacks" may assist in this regard
● If appropriate, have relevant provisions in place to ensure you or another elected person can make informed decisions in your loved one's best interests if and when the time comes that they cannot for any reason. That way, your loved one can rest easy in the knowledge that their stated wishes will be complied with. Our posts entitled "Wills, Insurance, Powers of Attorney & Life Planning as Stressbusting™ Essentials" and "Stressbusting™ Succession - considerations for a will" provide information that may assist here and enable visits to then constitute what they ought to be - the spending of uncomplicated, quality time together
● Check what time meals are served at the care facility and determine if your visit is best built into these (if permitted) or around them
● Focus on quality time versus quantity of time. Never feel pressured by anyone to visit if you don't feel up to it as this can breed resentment and may be transparent to your loved one. And let your visits be determined by your own stress and energy levels as it is important you turn up fresh and do not burn out - the measurement techniques laid out in our posts entitled "Have an SMI™ (Stress Management Index™) to accompany your BMI" and "Know the shape of your personal fuel tank" may help enable you to keep a check on this
● Equally, consult the care team to establish what daily times may be best to visit generally, as they may express preferences with reasons. Remember, you now work in partnership with the care team in furthering the interests of your loved one, so it is important you compliment and support one another continually
● Stagger visits with other family and friends to ensure your loved one has more visits if they would prefer that during permitted visiting times
● Consider taking your loved one out and about for an hour or two if this is feasible and allowed - it could be just what they need and inject some much appreciated normality into the visit
● Review whether children would be better attending or not. There is no right or wrong answer to this. It depends on care facility rules, how they feel and the physical/mental condition of the care home resident. Our post entitled "Modes of Questioning to Stressbust™ for Loved Ones" might help reach a conclusion as to what is best for both children and care home resident. And again, the care team may also be able to advise best on the matter
● Perhaps most importantly, manage expectations. At the end of the day, you are never likely to feel that third party carers, however highly qualified they are, can care for your loved one as well as you - this is entirely natural. But unnecessary or unfair criticism isn't likely to make you, the care team or your loved one feel any better, either while you are there or after you have left. So act with respect at all times, as you would visiting anyone else's home or place of work.