It has long been the case that relationship separations and the issue of divorce petitions escalate in January, so we thought we would post on the issue ahead of the curve.
The increase is probably as a combined result of the financial/emotional strains of the lead up to Christmas and reflection time that New Year brings, which can in some cases be complicated further by the consumption of much alcohol over the Festive Season!
But being in a high state of anxiety and strain (or extreme fatigue for that matter) isn’t the best time to make decisions of magnitude like this.
Major actions, once taken, can often not be taken back, and should never be initiated off the back of high emotion, particularly where children’s interests are at stake.
At the end of the day, all relationships, partnerships and marriage are a form of contract involving basic moral if not legal obligations.
As such, they require ongoing give and take and a commitment to development both individually and as a unit.
Like anything else, they can be challenging but at the same time hugely worthwhile.
But remember, when we are emotionally charged, we can display a tendency to exacerbate the negatives of a set of circumstances as opposed to the positives, which we can often simply take for granted.
Humans by our very nature yearn change.
Though the grass isn’t always greener on the other side when you finally get there and then have to mow it!
Add to this the financial constraints of e.g. having to potentially run 2 households instead of 1 joint household in this challenging economic climate of soaring utility bills and inflation, and its clear a decision of this size requires a carefully structured decision making process involving both parties.
Our previous post entitled “5 Key Steps to Stressbusting™ Decision Making” may assist in such a collaborative process.
We would also recommend that you consult our posts entitled “The Relationship between Toxicity & Stressbusting™” & “The Dangers of Denial to StressBusting™” as these may help give an indication as to whether the relationship has become so damaged as to be broken down beyond repair, or simply needs some overdue TLC.
Remember, we only get out of relationships what we put in, and so perhaps we periodically need some self reflection to ensure we are giving the relationship its best shot on a continued basis.
We hold what we call a “State of the Bond” discussion from time to time in which we each openly and honesty state whether our expectations of the other are being met and if not, why.
Importantly, we treat our relationship itself as a third party with vested interests separate to our own as individuals meriting respect in their own right.
These are often not easy conversations to have at the time, but we do both feel validated and able to try to take positive actions on the back of them.
Our post entitled “The Mirror Diffuser Strategy for Stressbusting™” may help to establish if and to the extent the way you feel and your own insecurities, which may emanate from other aspects of your life, are being unfairly ‘transferred’ by you on to your relationship and this can provide another useful starting point for meaningful, open, joint dialogue.
Just be careful if, like ours, your mirror on the front of the fridge, that you don't end up binge eating your way to a solution!
One final observation we would make is that research shows people in settled marriages and relationships report lower levels of stress and anxiety, higher levels of overall happiness and better life expectancies than long term singles.
And the old saying “Act in Haste, Repent at Leisure” has no better application than in the case of separation or divorce, so all we can suggest is to take every joint step conceivable to ensure any decision is the correct one before taking a leap into what is (let’s be honest) the relevant unknown.
Bear in mind in this regard that if, for example, separation or divorce matters turn acrimonious and lawyers are instructed to argue the matter in Court, those (often considerable) costs will not be recoverable even if you subsequently decide to reunite as a couple.
So do you really want to be spending the equivalent of an executive family round the world cruise or a child’s University degree fund in this way?
While there are no right or wrong answers on matters of the heart, we hope the above has at least given food for thought cause for measured reflection.
And feel free to offer detail of this post to anyone who you know is being affected by its important themes.
Love always,
MikeyM&LouLoU™ 🧡💛💚 xxxx