Decision making can be a very difficult and stressful business.
The bigger the decision and the more far reaching the consequences, the more anxiety it can cause.
People can therefore labour for weeks, months and even years on decisions that are of gravity.
The problem with this is that it can create stagnation, prevents forward movement and generate a feelings of frustration.
Very, very few decisions are risk free and most involve some form of trade off.
So how can you stress bust decision making?
Well, we have found it helps to wrap a process consisting of a set of steps around the process, and we do this as follows:-
1. We ‘embrace’ the decision, whatever it is, as a positive challenge that could make a positive difference.
To do this, we establish what the context of the decision making process is for a particular decision.
Is it literally life or death?
Is it finding a best balance of interests for people?
Are there any third party interests that need to or can feasibly be secured or assisted by the decision?
But alongside these considerations, what paramount interests of our own need protecting before any decision benefits anyone else, etc, etc?
This focuses the mind on precisely what the decision is designed to achieve, gives it its own ‘identity’ and creates the starting point of a narrative discussion between us focusing only on key issues.
We write down a short list of the purposes the decision is aimed to achieve – our ‘decision business plan’ so to speak.
This is a key piece of paper we refer back to throughout the rest of the process
2. We then commence open discussion guided by the listed decision purposes which last for a maximum of a couple of (dedicated) hours.
Once discussions are completed, we then physically list out on a separate piece of paper what we have concluded the specific decision options to be.
This drills down on the decisions available and ‘transfers’ them from tumble drying in our minds on to the paper, making them less daunting, increasingly ‘visible’ and therefore more manageable.
This first list is never added to as this accounts for the fact that the first list comprises and validates our “gut” capability to come to best options at an early stage as a culmination of our own experiences.
And we find the longer any decision making process goes on, the less confident one becomes in this ‘gut’ aspect, when it is usually very relevant and potent.
3. We then agree draw on other independent perspectives as we consider appropriate or needed.
E.g., is there someone independent of the decision we know who has specialist, or their own personal, experience of the decision we wish to make and who we can seek input from confidentially - see our posts entitled "Break Time Quickie - Stressbusting™ Allies to Keep Close" and "Break Time Quickie - Keep Stressbusting™ Assets Visible" for possible options we may have in this regard?
If so, we do.
If not, we are confident our own decision making is as capable as anybody else’s available to us.
Note we refer to the term decision we ‘wish to make’ – this is because we feel that the habitually used term ‘facing’ a decision gives the decision a threatening/adversarial connotation which is unmerited and which interferes with what should be an enjoyable, constructive endeavour.
We never involve anyone potentially impacted positively or negatively by our decision at this exploratory stage in the process, as they will naturally be conflicted into providing opinions geared toward their interests, not the interests of the decision as a whole, which has its own separate identified needs fully identified as a result of stage 1 above.
4. We then enter a period of reflection on our listed decision options, usually no longer than, say a week, but maybe longer for major decisions.
We always however apply a ‘drop dead’ date, by which we agree a decision must be made and implementation of that decision commenced.
We refuse to be moved from this timescale and never permit ourselves to be pressured into an early decision we are not yet ready to make by third parties with a vested interest in our decision – this is simply unacceptable
5. Finally, we make our decision, notify any interested parties of it and press ahead with it.
We stick with our decision no matter who is unhappy with it.
In other words, there is no right to appeal our decision, whether by family, friends or other interested parties as we now ‘own’ our decision having gone through the above steps and reached our conclusion accordingly.
We further agree that we will not regret or seek to justify our decision no matter what happens as a result.
We are able to do this because we have made the decision in a best intentioned manner, fully informed of the context and importance of the decision, the options available and other’s perspectives as necessary.
At this point we scrunch up the price of paper containing our decision options and throw it in the bin, as a physical means of marking us putting the decision behind us and moving on.
We are under no illusion in life that you can please all of the people, all of the time.
And decisions are no different.
So there is no greater confidence and stressbusting™ boost to making decisions than using the above formula, whatever the repercussions.
Even if the decision transpires or appears, from an afterward third party point of view, to be wrong for them.
This is because the decision was made in a decent, structured and responsible way.
Everyone of course has their own method of decision making and at the end of the day there is no entirely right or wrong way to do so.
But we hope our method above at least helps or gives food for thought in respect of any major decisions you may wish or need to make now or in the future.
Much love, MikeyM&LouLoU™🤓🤓☺❤💙xxx